My band of soaks, my den of dis so lutes, my (Ebm)dirt y jokes, my al ways pissed as newts, my sons of (Ab)whores spend their lives in my inn, (F)hom ing pi geons (F7)hom ing in.

They (Bbm)fly through (Bbm)the doors and their (F)mon ey’s good as (Gm)yours.

(Gm)Wel come, M’ sieur.

Sit your self down and meet the best inn (D7)keep er in town.

As for the rest, all of the crooks, rook ing the guests and (Gm)cook ing the books.

Sel dom do you see

hon est men like me.

A (A7)gent of good in tent who’s con (D)tent (Em)to (D7)be...

(G)Mas ter of the house, dol ing out the charm, read y with a hand shake and an o pen palm.

Tells a sauc y tale, makes a lit tle stir, cus tom ers ap pre ci ate a (A7)bon vi veur.

(D)Glad to do a friend a fa vor.

Does n’t cost me to be nice.

But noth ing gets you noth ing, ev ’ry thing has got a lit tle (G)price.

Mas ter of the house, keep er of the zoo, read y to re lieve them of a sou or two.

Wa ter ing the wine, mak ing up the weight, pick ing up their knick nacks when they (A7)can’t see straight.

(D)Ev ’ry bod y loves a land lord.

(B)Ev ’ry bod y’s bo som (Em)friend.

I (C)do what ev er pleas es, (D7)Je sus, don’t I bleed ’em in the (G)end!

(G)Food be yond com pare, food be yond be lief, mix it in a min cer and pre tend it’s beef.

Kid ney of a horse, liv er of a cat, fill ing up the sau sa ges with (A7)this and that.

(D)Res i dents are more than wel come.

Bri dal suite is oc cu pied.

But Rea son a ble charg es plus some lit tle ex tras on the (G)side.

Charge ’em for the lice, ex tra for the mice, two per cent for look ing in the mir ror twice.

Here a lit tle slice, there a lit tle cut, three per cent for sleep ing with the (A7)win dow shut.

(D)When it comes to fix ing pric es,

(B)there are lots of tricks he (Em)friend.

I (C)do what ev er pleas es, (D7)Je sus, don’t I bleed ’em in the (G)end!

(Em)knows.

(C)How it all in creas es, all them bits and piec es, (D7)Je sus, it’s a maz ing how it (G)grows!

I used to dream that I would meet a prince.

But, God al might y, have you (A)seen what’s hap pened since?

(G)Mas ter of the house?

Is n’t worth my spit!

Com fort er, phi los o pher, and life long shit!

Cun ning lit tle brain, re gu lar Vol taire.

Thinks he’s quite a lov er but there’s (A7)not much there!

(D)What a cru el trick of na ture

(B)land ed me with such a (Em)louse.

(C)God knows how I’ve last ed (D7)liv ing with this bas tard in the (G)house!

(G)Mas ter of the house, mas ter and a half, Com fort er, phi los o pher, don’t make me laugh!

Ser vant to the poor, but ler to the great, hyp o crite and toad y and in (A7)e bri ate!

(D)Ev ’ry bod y bless our land lord.

(B)Ev ’ry bod y bless his (Em)louse.

(C)God knows how I’ve last ed (D7)liv ing with this bas tard in the (G)house!

(Em)spouse.

(C)Ev ’ry bod y raise a (D7)glass,

(C)raise it up the mas ter’s (D7)ass!

(C)Ev ’ry bod y raise a (D7)glass to the mas ter of the (G)house!